Happy New Year Love :)

New Year is the perfect time to tell you
how much you mean to me and what a joy it is
to have you in my life,

Sometimes words are not enough
to express how much I love you...

This New Year, though we are not together
I just wish to tell you
My love, you mean the world to me!

Wishing you a New Year filled with days
as special as you make each of mine!

Trust and Finding Love

I have been very honest. I try to make my partner get to know who I really am. I apologize when I make mistakes, I am willing to learn and grow with him. But why is it so hard for the other person to tell the truth? Why is it so hard to understand my reasons? My situation is a little bit difficult compared to the others. Im a single parent and I struggle everyday. I knew my situation can be a challenge for someone who wants to be part of my life. I used to waste my money buying things I want for myself and spend my money for luxury, parties and nightouts. Now, I think of my son's needs first before mine. Life is a constant journey and I'm learning from it.

I know we all tend to be possessive and suspicious of others. That's when honesty and trust play their part. Communication is very important especially for a long distance relationship. I was against it but i gave it a chance. But I'm just not getting the honesty and trust I deserve. I have learned to accept there's no such thing as true love aside from the love of a mother to her child. I build up my defenses to protect me from the pain of failed relationships and brokenheart. I have given up on love untill someone came along and stole my fragile heart. My heart started beating for love again. I gave my heart another chance. But now, Im starting to wonder if I made the right choice. I feel the pain again. But im not going to just give up altogether when i want to be able to live life to the fullest, and part of living life to the fullest involves possibilities, which include being in love. I wanna know what love truly is and I dont want to be alone and feeling lonely in my life like i have been. Since my mom died, everything has changed. I grew cold but strong. I've been like that all my life, and im tired of that. I know finding love is all about taking chances, and not being the one to wait for love to come to you as it lessens your likelihood of finding love. Love is really such a mystery to me...

If you're not the one by Daniel Bedingfield

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I never know what the future brings
But I know you are here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
And know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

You Saved my Heart

You saved my heart... you don't even know me
You saved my dream... you heard me scream
Oh my lost soul... was saved by a stranger
Who saved my life... you saved my life

Why did you do it?
What made you stop and turn around?
Do you even know the reason
Why you had to help me out?

Just when I knew it
It was my time to sink or swim
You came along and pulled me out
Of all the trouble I was in

Why did you do it?
Why did you risk your life for mine?
Would I have the same done for you?
Would I have saved you just in time?

You saved my heart... you don't even know me
You saved my dream... you heard me scream
Oh you saved my soul... love that you have shown me
You saved my life... you saved my life

Where did you come from?
How did you know I was alone?
That I never stood a chance
To find the way out on my own?

Who sent the message?
That I was hanging by a thread
By this very time tomorrow
They will leave me here for dead

Why did you do it?
Why did you risk your life for mine?
Would I have the same done for you?
Would I have saved you just in time?

So this is love...

What is this I'm feelin'
I just can't explain
When you're near
I'm not quite the same
I try to hide it
Try not to show it
It's crazy, how could this be

I'm fallin' for you
Finally my heart gave in
And I'm fallin' in love
I've finally known
How it feels

When you said "hello"
I looked in your eyes
Suddenly I felt good inside
Is this really happening
Or am I just dreaming
I guess it's true
I can't believe

It doesn't matter where I am
Thoughts of you still linger
In my mind
No matter what time of day
I'm really, really
Fallin' for you

I'm fallin' for you
Finally my heart gave in
And I'm fallin' in love
I've finally known
How it feels
So this is love

No Place that far

To B.F

I can't imagine any greater fear
Than waking up without you here
And though the sun would still shine on
My whole world would all be gone
But not for long

If I had to run
If I had to crawl
If I had to swim a hundred rivers
Just to climb a thousand walls
Always know that I would find a way
To get to where you are
There's no place that far
It wouldn't matter why we're apart
Lonely months, two stubborn hearts
Nothing short, nothing impossible
Could turn me away from your love
I need you that much



Your Shey...

Breaking the Cycle

Taking a deep breath...Thinking why i keep attracting the wrong men and that i end up being attached for all the wrong reasons. My goal?? TRULY PUT AN END TO THIS CYCLE.

Im realizing, when I keep going on with hurtful
relationships... and go through one disastrous
relationship after another... the worst starts
to happen..It starts to turn me into someone
who acts fearful, protective and defensive
around any man I meet.



Some things I've learned:

Just because you've been happily
dating a man for several weeks, months or even
years... it doesn't automatically mean a man is
thinking or feeling "commitment", or seeking a
deeper lasting expression of his LOVE.**

You can spend time with a man, get close, become
intimate and bond... and he can still NOT WANT
to enter into a relationship with you.

The short answer is because men have a different
RELATIONSHIP TIMELINE for wanting to get "serious"
with a woman... and a different way of seeing how
love and an exclusive committed relationship comes
together.

If you've ever been with a man and shared something
amazing and grown closer and closer,
but then he RESISTED and WITHDREW once you
actually talked about how things were moving
forward between you... then you know exactly what
I'm talking about.

THE TRUTH: A man doesn't commit to a woman in a conversation,
or even with his words. It's something he just
FEELS inside and wants for himself.

I'm sure you'll identify with one (if not both)
of these:

SCENARIO #1: You know exactly what you want
out of the relationship, but rather than "rock
the boat" by having a conversation in which you
make your expectations clear, you decide to
WAIT IT OUT in hopes that the man will soon feel
the same way and that everything will just "work
itself out."

SCENARIO #2: You know exactly what you want out
of the relationship but as soon as you get the
sense that the guy doesn't share your desires or
isn't "on the same page" emotionally, you subtly
and unconsciously decide to PRETEND that you're
cool with things just being casual, even though
you know you need a lot MORE to be happy and
content.

Predictably, when you find yourself in either of
these two scenarios, it becomes a slippery slope
toward ultimate relationship disaster.

Here's how this plays out: ( For the confused women)

First- you start feeling unfulfilled, anxious or
worried that you're not getting what you want
and need

Second- you don't know how to say what you're
feeling and what you want in a mature, honest
way, so you say nothing at all or you drop
"hints" that are misunderstood or ignored

Third- he doesn't change anything about the way
he's treating you or the relationship, and you
become frustrated or disappointed with because
he doesn't really "get" what's missing and what
you want from him

Fourth- your frustration builds up even more and
either brings you to an emotionally destructive
CONFRONTATION with him that FREAKS him out (like
an ultimatum)... or all the silent tension and
negative feelings between you make him act
distant, disconnected and maybe he even starts
losing interest in you.

Remember going down this road?

Not fun, huh?

**INSIGHTS on how to get a man on the "same page"
about where your relationship is headed without all
the drama, tears and frustration.


"CENTER" YOURSELF FIRST... AND GET CLEAR ABOUT
WHAT YOU WANT

What you need to do FIRST, before you do
anything else, is get CLEAR about what you want
and expect from your love life.

You need to be honest with YOURSELF first,
before you can be honest with anyone else in
your life.

Stop PRETENDING you only want a "casual" fun
fling when what you REALLY want is to have a
committed, serious relationship that's "going
somewhere."

But, unfortunately, being CLEAR and HONEST is
not that simple when the rubber
meets the road" in dating and relationships.

The reality is, knowing what u want and
expect can turn into a source of EXTREME
frustration and anxiety.

Why is that?

I'll explain...

Expectations can definitely set us off in good
directions in our lives... But when we don't feel
like we have the CONTROL over how to get those
expectations met, the "wheels" really start to
come off the car, so to speak.

The unfortunate truth is that some women don't
want to dig deeper into what a man truly wants
because of their own FEARS.

They're AFRAID of finding out the truth about
what a man truly feels about them, and their future
together.

And the most dreaded fear of all...

REJECTION and ABANDONMENT.

These two things are SO STRONG AND POWERFUL
that something fascinating happens in the woman's
mind when there's even a small potential for
either of these....

Our mind starts a cycle of SELF-DECEPTION.

Here's how it works...

The fear of pain and loss often leads us to
ignore our thoughts and intuition and replace our
fearful thoughts with happier thoughts that make
us feel comfortable.

It's the mind's "emotional defense mechanism".

I know you felt this before. I DID.

How many times have you been unsure - deep
down - about the man you are seeing? Save yourself the wasted energy and the broken
heart.

Remember, a man can't read your mind, or
know all that's in your heart.

And if you're carrying around pain or fear,
it's surely getting in the way of a man seeing that
beautiful and real you underneath that he would
want to know and love.

Don't keep a man from seeing the best of the
real you that's inside. Make it easy for him,
and for you.

**Give a man the right "REASONS"
for him to want to and make HIMSELF committed. **

Becoming deeply committed doesn't often just
happen with the passing of time for a man. He
won't want to commit "just because" it's been
six months or a year (or longer).

He won't commit to you because you explain
how you think you're better than all the women
he's dated or because you have such a great
"connection."

Nope, he's going to commit for his own reasons.

So what are these "reasons"?

A man's reasons for committing, or not
committing, are his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.

Sounds simple, but it's profound and true.

The "masculine" part of a man has to FEEL like
he is naturally and of his own freewill CHOOSING
to be with a woman.

If this happens, his commitment will be usually
be strong and lasting.

Come on in...

Sometimes you can do nothing but stare right back at the person. A blank stare. A confused stare with an empty mind and an emotionless heart.

You do not know what to do with him.

You are concerned. You care. You understand. But you do not love.

He claims I am everything he wanted in a person—in a wife. Ambitious, decent, spontaneous, funny, romantic etc. but there is only one flaw… I am not in love with him. Notice, I said in-love, because I know that I have love for him but being in love with someone and loving them is different.

I do not have answers to his questions. I cannot respond to his flirty comments. How am I supposed to make him understand that my heart does not skip a beat when I see him… that his touch does not make me melt inside?

How should I deal with the fact that he looks up to me? That he associates me with everything that is beautiful and pretty in this world…. That he loves me?

Am I guilty? Sympathetic? Concerned? Or just plain sensitive?

I wish I could do more. I can’t. It doesn’t feel right


"I can hear your heart crying out for me….
(And it keeps on saying) Come on in, come on in…and save me."

Two Souls, Two Voices, One Song

It's so rare to find someone like you,
somehow when you're around the sky is always blue,
the way we talk,
the things you say,
the way you make it all ok,
and how you know all of my jokes,
but you laugh anyway
if i could wish for one thing,
i'd take the smile that you bring,
=Whereever you go in this world, I'll come along,=
together we dream the same dream,
forever i'm here for you,
you're here for me,
two voices one song,
and anywhere you are you know I'll be around,
and when you call my name I'll listen for the sound,
if i could wish for one thing,
i'd take the smile that you bring
where ever you go in this world
i'll come along,
together we dream the same dream,
forever I'm here for you,
you're here for me,
two voices one song...

To Understand Him

What's frustrating for lots of women is that
men often react this way when you simply bring up
something you feel strongly about or you need to
get off your chest.

Sure, maybe you got a little choked up or felt
intense about it, but you were just being honest
with your feelings.

Well I hate to be the one to break it to you,
but this isn't unusual for a man to do.

In fact, it's "standard" behavior for most men
to react to a woman with withdrawal or frustration
in these kinds of conversations.

Have you ever felt any of the following? Because I did:

1. In your mind, you could sense what a great guy he was, and that, somewhere deep inside, you both shared this strong "chemistry" that made you feel close and comfortable. But for some reason he didn't want to truly connect with you.

2. Have you ever slept with a guy very quickly after meeting him, but as it started to happen you got that sinking feeling in your stomach? You knew it was a mistake, but you did it anyway. And then the thing you KNEW would happen actually happened: He unexplainably disappeared from your life. Honestly, have you ever had this happen?

Of course, the worst part wasn't that it happened, but that you KNEW you shouldn't have done it in the first place... but you did it anyway

You were trying to get CLOSER to him, and somehow he kept moving farther AWAY from you.

I'm guessing that when one of these things happened, your girlfriends said things like:

"He's just a jerk, forget about him".

Or they said: "He doesn't see the mistake he's making or what he'll be missing". But he never seemed to see these mistakes... or even miss you.

And the worst part of all: You kept thinking about it.

In fact, it really GOT TO YOU. And I'll bet the REASON why it got to you is because you worried that it might have been something to do with YOU (and not just because he was a total jerk).

In fact, TO THIS DAY you still have the feeling that YOU may have done something wrong, and that you may have CAUSED some of the problems in the first place... and if you would have known the RIGHT thing to do, things would have turned out differently...

Unfortunately, the bad news is that you're probably right.

Chances are you DID have something to do with it, and things probably WOULD have turned out differently if you would have known how to deal with the situation.



When men hear women getting emotional, they
usually do one of two things:

1. Immediately go into "Action Mode" and try to
"fix" the problem with concrete solutions (and
that's not usually what women want to hear)

2. SHUT DOWN

The main PROBLEM here, and the thing that stood in your way, is that men aren't easy to understand. And when you find a good man, he doesn't come with an "instruction manual".

Bitterness

"Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you bu... Read Morei... Read Moreld up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

Ode to my Heart

I have fallen for him with every ounce of my heart, But I don't want it get to me anymore.
* People say it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, I say, TRY IT AND SEE HOW YOU FEEL*
I tried so hard to stay walled because I'm afraid to care too much, for fear that he does not care as much or not at all *
It's sad to think you'll never be mine, it's even sadder to realize I knew it all the time *
He said he likes me and he wants me and it's a nice feeling. That he's going to miss me because we get along so well, We talk like we've known each other forever, and because we feel comfortable with each other. We share the same passion, fantasy, frustration and goal.
It's amazing when I'm with him. It feels so good everytime we talk. But more often I feel Im being naive to believe. Is time really an essence?
Sometimes I feel as if everything he said never happened *
All I want to do is get him off my mind because it doesn't hurt when I don't think of him. *
But then again it's not my mind that bothers me. It's my heart intervening and messing things up.
Just when I thought my life was coming together, I realized it was just starting to fall apart *
I waltzed around him several times only to become a melody he never sang. *
Soon he's gonna wake up, And wonder what went wrong. He better kiss me, Cause he's gonna miss me when im gone *
The intensity is so great, it's electrifying! What a cruel thing it is to pretend * You might think of me as just another girl, but I want you to know That I am that one girl who took one look and fell harder for you than I've ever fallen for anyone in my life...
* Just an old love song, just the mention of your name, my heart breaks into two again...I guess some things never change *
I'd like to believe that one day I'll wake up and not miss him, I'll finally understand that when he broke my heart it was for a reason, one I just don't understand yet,
But when I do I'll know that he messed up and not me * Or maybe we're just not meant to start something more.
Every scar tells a story, the times I fell off the bike, the time I scraped my arm while climbing that tree Or the time... he broke my heart *
Never fall in love with someone you will never get a chance with, it only causes pain * But how would I know there will never be a chance?
Getting over is the hardest thing I ever have to do, and I don't think I could ever do it again *
I am so mad because I convinced myself I'll be over you and now I know it was all pretend... I pretend not to light up when I hear your voice...I pretend not to be upset when the day goes by and I don't hear from you, I pretend I don't look forward to seeing you everyday...and I pretend I don't miss you when you don't come around. Now all these lies have shown me that I miss you so much more than I had realized!
* Even though I'm trying to forget you, every time someone mentions your name my head turns right towards them. Its like every time I hear it, I think of all that we could have had, and all that could have happened that didn't *

Voice from the Heart

I'm just your simple average girl

I never claimed to be more

I don't have the perfect figure

Nor do I have a gorgeous face

I'm not young or innocent

I've lived my life almost halfway

So my head is not full of airIt is filled with wisdom

Gained from experiences

I am mostly quiet

But when I speak

I choose my words carefully

I am not perfect

Neither are you

Yet here I am

Always ready to listen

I'm never far

When you need me

Maybe im asking too much for you to care and love me

I have been around

Our laughs and talks, our passionate moments

All I want is to make you happy

Everyday Im hoping for you to think of me

Maybe a message or a call?

I don't often get those but when I do,

My heart beats fast, the adrenalin, the thrills

But you need to remember

You never promised me anything

But I stuck around When no one else was there

You always tell me that I have a choice

That I can walk away anytime

Perhaps I should

Before I completely lose myself

Out of giving too much to you

After all

You don't need me anymore

You probably won't even notice

That I'm gone