Taking a deep breath...Thinking why i keep attracting the wrong men and that i end up being attached for all the wrong reasons. My goal?? TRULY PUT AN END TO THIS CYCLE.
Im realizing, when I keep going on with hurtful
relationships... and go through one disastrous
relationship after another... the worst starts
to happen..It starts to turn me into someone
who acts fearful, protective and defensive
around any man I meet.
Some things I've learned:
Just because you've been happily
dating a man for several weeks, months or even
years... it doesn't automatically mean a man is
thinking or feeling "commitment", or seeking a
deeper lasting expression of his LOVE.**
You can spend time with a man, get close, become
intimate and bond... and he can still NOT WANT
to enter into a relationship with you.
The short answer is because men have a different
RELATIONSHIP TIMELINE for wanting to get "serious"
with a woman... and a different way of seeing how
love and an exclusive committed relationship comes
together.
If you've ever been with a man and shared something
amazing and grown closer and closer,
but then he RESISTED and WITHDREW once you
actually talked about how things were moving
forward between you... then you know exactly what
I'm talking about.
THE TRUTH: A man doesn't commit to a woman in a conversation,
or even with his words. It's something he just
FEELS inside and wants for himself.
I'm sure you'll identify with one (if not both)
of these:
SCENARIO #1: You know exactly what you want
out of the relationship, but rather than "rock
the boat" by having a conversation in which you
make your expectations clear, you decide to
WAIT IT OUT in hopes that the man will soon feel
the same way and that everything will just "work
itself out."
SCENARIO #2: You know exactly what you want out
of the relationship but as soon as you get the
sense that the guy doesn't share your desires or
isn't "on the same page" emotionally, you subtly
and unconsciously decide to PRETEND that you're
cool with things just being casual, even though
you know you need a lot MORE to be happy and
content.
Predictably, when you find yourself in either of
these two scenarios, it becomes a slippery slope
toward ultimate relationship disaster.
Here's how this plays out: ( For the confused women)
First- you start feeling unfulfilled, anxious or
worried that you're not getting what you want
and need
Second- you don't know how to say what you're
feeling and what you want in a mature, honest
way, so you say nothing at all or you drop
"hints" that are misunderstood or ignored
Third- he doesn't change anything about the way
he's treating you or the relationship, and you
become frustrated or disappointed with because
he doesn't really "get" what's missing and what
you want from him
Fourth- your frustration builds up even more and
either brings you to an emotionally destructive
CONFRONTATION with him that FREAKS him out (like
an ultimatum)... or all the silent tension and
negative feelings between you make him act
distant, disconnected and maybe he even starts
losing interest in you.
Remember going down this road?
Not fun, huh?
**INSIGHTS on how to get a man on the "same page"
about where your relationship is headed without all
the drama, tears and frustration.
"CENTER" YOURSELF FIRST... AND GET CLEAR ABOUT
WHAT YOU WANT
What you need to do FIRST, before you do
anything else, is get CLEAR about what you want
and expect from your love life.
You need to be honest with YOURSELF first,
before you can be honest with anyone else in
your life.
Stop PRETENDING you only want a "casual" fun
fling when what you REALLY want is to have a
committed, serious relationship that's "going
somewhere."
But, unfortunately, being CLEAR and HONEST is
not that simple when the rubber
meets the road" in dating and relationships.
The reality is, knowing what u want and
expect can turn into a source of EXTREME
frustration and anxiety.
Why is that?
I'll explain...
Expectations can definitely set us off in good
directions in our lives... But when we don't feel
like we have the CONTROL over how to get those
expectations met, the "wheels" really start to
come off the car, so to speak.
The unfortunate truth is that some women don't
want to dig deeper into what a man truly wants
because of their own FEARS.
They're AFRAID of finding out the truth about
what a man truly feels about them, and their future
together.
And the most dreaded fear of all...
REJECTION and ABANDONMENT.
These two things are SO STRONG AND POWERFUL
that something fascinating happens in the woman's
mind when there's even a small potential for
either of these....
Our mind starts a cycle of SELF-DECEPTION.
Here's how it works...
The fear of pain and loss often leads us to
ignore our thoughts and intuition and replace our
fearful thoughts with happier thoughts that make
us feel comfortable.
It's the mind's "emotional defense mechanism".
I know you felt this before. I DID.
How many times have you been unsure - deep
down - about the man you are seeing? Save yourself the wasted energy and the broken
heart.
Remember, a man can't read your mind, or
know all that's in your heart.
And if you're carrying around pain or fear,
it's surely getting in the way of a man seeing that
beautiful and real you underneath that he would
want to know and love.
Don't keep a man from seeing the best of the
real you that's inside. Make it easy for him,
and for you.
**Give a man the right "REASONS"
for him to want to and make HIMSELF committed. **
Becoming deeply committed doesn't often just
happen with the passing of time for a man. He
won't want to commit "just because" it's been
six months or a year (or longer).
He won't commit to you because you explain
how you think you're better than all the women
he's dated or because you have such a great
"connection."
Nope, he's going to commit for his own reasons.
So what are these "reasons"?
A man's reasons for committing, or not
committing, are his FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.
Sounds simple, but it's profound and true.
The "masculine" part of a man has to FEEL like
he is naturally and of his own freewill CHOOSING
to be with a woman.
If this happens, his commitment will be usually
be strong and lasting.
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